Pl read

1. Why o Why?

If you are visiting these writings for the first time, or have not read the entry "Why o Why",

may I suggest you read that first and then read the rest in numerical order?



Tuesday, 25 April 2017

15. (Is there a need for) Saying "thanks"?

One of the most complicated and sensitive issues in human interactions, I believe, relates to something very simple: saying "thanks".

When you want to tell someone who has been there with you
when you needed them most, how grateful you are,
What do you say?
How do you say it?
Do you always (need to) say "thanks"?

It depends on one's culture, upbringing, relationship, etc., etc.

At least in a typical Indian home, if a person  is close to you, like a brother or a mother,  you usually do not say "thanks". In this case, presumably, the feeling is that, for them, they do it out of love, and this is their second nature. That is, they know that you are internally thankful to them, even though they do not hear the "thanks".

But, someone who does not know you may not understand if you truly appreciate what they have done for you, so you usually take the time to let them know that you are thankful for their help.

So, the irony is that the closer  you are to somebody, the more likely it is that they do not really  know if you are appreciative of what they have done for you.

Consider a mother. She usually does not  expect her children to say "thanks" when she prepares their dinner. But, just as she expresses her love for the kids through the care she takes in preparing what is good for them, the children may find a happier mother if they express their appreciation for what she has done for them; they can do this by eating the dinner with the attention that is commensurate with the affection with which she has prepared it for them (rather than eating while staring at the whatsapp message screen, as SK reminds me often☺). Here the best method to thank the mother is to consume the food in a way that expresses the love for the preparer of the food. Even a mother needs to know you are thankful, even if she does not expect or need  a verbal avatar of it!

This being the case, it is a given that  normally,  everyone expects to be appreciated for their good deeds. If nothing else, I believe this show of appreciation will bring out the best that is always inherent in each one of us.

I write about many of the people who were with me at one point or another during the LA journey,  in  two entries:

 No words or deeds can thank them

Above and beyond the call of duty


But, how does one thank the countless others  who came, offered their help and went without being noticed?  In fact this question is what led to these writings -- which is my way of giving thanks for what they did

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